When was the hardest you have cried?
The hardest I have ever cried is the day I found out my brother killed himself. Nov. 4, 2011, I spoke with him on the phone. He wanted to hang out, but I had told him I was busy with my 2 yo daughter and couldn’t. Nothing seemed particularly wrong.
Nov. 5, 2011, I got a call from my dad at work to call my brother because he’d not been able to reach him. At this point, he was living with my dad and his new wife.
I call and don’t get an answer either. I really didn’t think much of it, and I figured he was probably just drunk and asleep. He became a heavy drunk, smoked weed, snorted anything that could be snorted, basically any drug he could find, shy of injectables.
Friends, he wasn’t a bad person, and he was just badly hurt. He had knocked a girl up and insisted on marrying her; first mistake. They were married for about 3 years, and his son was 2 ½ when things started going really wrong in their relationship, and they decided to separate. Thus, he is living with our dad.
Fast forward a couple of months after leaving, he’s checking the mail and received something from his soon-to-be ex: paternity test. Oddly, my brother never took a paternity test. He opens it and finds another guy’s name, and he can’t be excluded as the father by a 99.999% chance.
His son was not his son.
Nevertheless, he wanted to retain fatherly duties like child support, seeing him regularly, etc. The mother did not want that and completely removed the child from my brother’s life. He was never quite the same after this. Took anything to numb the pain.
He went on like this for a couple of years until Nov. 5, 2011, when he’d felt abandoned by everyone, devastated by the loss of his child because it was still his child in his eyes.
My dad knew something was wrong, so he called the police to check the house out. He didn’t want to walk in on my brother’s lifeless body. Cops enter the house and find my brother dead in the garage. Carbon monoxide poisoning. He had shut himself in and cranked his car up, drank himself to sleep and never woke up.
My dad called me about 8:30 that night, and when I answered, his voice was shaky and tearful, and he told me Michael was gone. I was in the garage having a cigarette with my wife when I heard. My body gave out, and I slinked from the couch to the garage floor, absolutely howling, unable to move. My wife was trying to pick me up, and through sobs, I told her to leave me there. I must have been on the floor for 30 minutes just bawling, mind racing, feeling so much guilt over not being there for him the previous day.
When was the hardest you have cried?
I still had to call my mother, who was here in Kuwait, to tell her her baby boy was gone. It was the middle of the night for her, so when she picked up, obviously still half asleep, I told her Michael was gone. She said gone where? I replied, gone, Mom. Frustrated, she again says gone where?? Finally, I just had to say, Mom, he’s dead. He killed himself. She was on the next flight back to SC. We buried him on Nov. 10.
I can still see my mother wailing over his lifeless body in his casket. And I had written my brother a letter, telling him how good a man he was, how good a father, a brother and a friend. I wrote that I loved him forever and would miss him. I slipped the note under his suit jacket, right on his left breast, kissed his forehead and said my goodbye.
That was the most awful, heart-wrenching thing I have ever had to endure.
Here’s me holding him in 1984.
Him around 1985–1986.
Him, my dad and I.
When was the hardest you have cried?
In 2009, I was 26 years old and had a 4-year-old son and 2-year-old and 1-year-old little girl. My son had been sick for weeks. I’d taken him to the paediatrician every week for 4 weeks and taken him to the ER once when he collapsed in pain and was screaming and begging me to make it stop. I was told repeatedly he had an upper respiratory, and the pain was just because he was constipated, too.
When he collapsed a second time, I took him back to the ER again and told them I wasn’t leaving until they figured out what was happening. This time, we had a different doctor, and as soon as she did her initial assessment, I could see on her face that she was concerned. She immediately got the doctor supervising the ER that day to come to check him out as well, and I saw them making eye contact with each other throughout.
I knew they were very worried, although they didn’t tell us what they suspected yet. They ordered bloodwork, and only an hour or so after entering the ER, they both came back and had someone take my son to another room to colour while we spoke. They asked me to sit down, and as soon as they started talking about his blood counts, I started to feel like I was going to faint.
When they actually said the word “leukaemia”, I started screaming and sobbing. I had forced my husband to come (he thought I was being paranoid and the previous doctors were right, and it was just a virus), and I remember gripping his shirt as I screamed and wept.
When was the hardest you have cried?
I had no experience with cancer, and as far as I knew, my 4-year-old little boy could be facing a death sentence. I had always seen the St. Jude ads, listened to the stories on the annual telethon on the radio, and used to cry hearing the parents talk about losing their children.
I remember pulling over and praying that my children never be that sick as I cried for those kids. My baby going through that was my worst fear, and it was suddenly coming true. I cried a lot during his treatment (never in front of him), but that first evening was shattering for me.
A side note: Cancer is NOT a death sentence; that was just what my inexperience and fear told me at the time. My precious little boy is now a healthy 12-year-old who’s about to pass my height. He had a difficult 3 years, but he is now healthy and cancer-free.
Do you have any manhwa recommendations where the seme is a red flag/toxic?
When was the hardest you have cried?
The hardest I ever cried was when my only son, aged 28, died. There was a strange delay. We found him dead on the floor of his room. I called 911. I held it together to talk to the firefighters and the police. An hour or two later, it really sank in, and I bawled like a baby. Buckets and barrels did I cry over the next few weeks and months. Certain songs would set me off.
I was driving up the street one day, maybe a month later, and there was a singer named David Gates in a group called Bread, singing a song – “I would give everything I own…” I had to pull over to cry before I’d cause an accident.
Friends, I really thought there would never be happiness in life, and I actually regretted that I had not died instead. But then, about a year and a half after his death, two people arrived to rescue me. Here they are:
Till now, I haven’t shared this with anyone, but I really want this to get off my chest.
- Background -Standards 1 to 6
- School – Kendriya Vidyalaya.
So, this is the time of our life when we have no idea what is really happening to us. It’s all spontaneous. I was one of the most notorious kinds of students. Most of the time, teachers kept me standing out of the class as punishment. My only work was to fight with other kid, bully them, snatch their lunch, etc.
You know, the worst kind. Always busy with my boys. I used to hate girls, and I don’t know why! Let me describe Kendriya Vidyalaya. Basically, it’s a school for the children of military personnel. So, every 3 years, new kids join the school because, in the military, there is a transfer every 3 years. When I was in standard 4, a new girl joined the school; her name was Gauri Krishna, and she was from Kerala.
I didn’t notice her in the beginning, but as time passed, she tried to be more friendly with me. I don’t know why. She once gave her homework to me and faced my punishment. But these things didn’t affect me. I was still a rude, harsh, disrespectful and ungrateful person.
When was the hardest you have cried?
One day, we decided to play kabaddi. Boys vs girls. We were losing badly to the girls. I was the last person standing on my team. Gauri came. I dodged, but somehow, she managed to touch me. If I would have let her go, my team would have lost. My ego didn’t allow it.
So I pushed her, she fell on iron wiring, both of her hands got cut, it was bleeding like hell. I got scared and ran away. For many days, she didn’t come to school, but then I also felt normal. I guess I was a cold-hearted bastard.
Finally, she came to school, and I was hiding from her. Both of her hands were covered in bandages. During lunch, she came to me, and the next thing she said to me literally made me cry. She said, “Are you alright?”. I ran away.
Slowly, we became friends. From then on, her fights used to be my fights; her pain was my pain. It was the beginning of something magical and divine. I had fallen for her, and I think she loved me too. We were like inseparable souls. Then came standard 7 summer holidays. Though we both hated this time, we had to part ways for this period.
When was the hardest you have cried?
Summer got over, but she was nowhere to be found. Days went by, but no sign of her. Months passed. I used to go to school in the hope that one day she would hit me from behind and say, “Missed me, duffer?”.
But it did not happen. One day, I mustered enough courage and went to her home. I asked her mom, “Aunty, Gauri isn’t coming to school. Has she not returned from her grandmother’s home yet?”. Her mother first kept quiet and then started sobbing. I was clueless, and then she told me that Gauri died in an accident.
I became numb. My mind stopped working, and I could feel teardrops falling from my eyes. I started running and ran till my lungs hurt. To this day, I wait for her to hit my back and ask, “Missed me, duffer”.
Yes, I missed you.
Yes, I miss you.
When was the hardest you have cried?
The hardest I have ever cried was when my youngest daughter had her breaking point at the hands of her Bully. That week of my life made me feel like the worst father in history.
My daughter is socially awkward, meek, shy, and has trouble making friends. Her only interests are Art and Tennis. She’s never had many friends and really didn’t seem to care. That’s what I thought.
In her first year in High school, she met a Bully who would change school policy on bullying. This incident happened when My child was in the school library. The library is supposed to be bully-proof, like a sanctuary. But not on this day.
She’s quietly drawing with her friend. And out of nowhere, she gets smacked from behind on her right ear with baby powder. And, of course, it was the Bully. It was supposed to be a prank. A video prank called “SMACK CAM”, to be exact.
Looks like this.
This time, it went too far. My child got knocked unconscious and taken to the hospital with a serious concussion. I get the call and race to the hospital with bitter rage. The police, the principal, the school nurse, and the guidance counsellor met me. They were all in her room. I walk in and see my child sleeping with tubes coming out of her nose and arms. And I couldn’t talk. I was shaking with anger.
The principal and the police explained to me that they had video evidence and the Bully had been arrested. Three days later, my daughter came home from the hospital, and all that I thought I knew about her was only the surface. We’re sitting on the couch watching TV. I go into the kitchen for something. I come out of the kitchen to see her face wet with tears. She’s not wiping her face, and there is no facial expression, no sound. It’s just a constant flow of big tears. Tears with no sound mean deep emotional pain, especially from a 14-year-old girl.
I grab her off the couch and give her the biggest HUG I have ever given her and tell her that I love her and will always be there for her. But only this time, she felt different.
We sit down, and I’m trying to tickle her side to get a smile. NOTHING! After some time, She finally starts talking.
“I just want this to stop, and I’m sick of it.”
(OMG!) It has been going on all this time?!
She begins to detail the horrors ever since elementary school. I’ll list only a few.
- She’s been called Ugly
- They hide her books
- They steal her material
- They push and shove her
- Cut her in line
- Put buggers on her shirt
- One boy who sits behind her cuts her hair without her knowing.
Some things they did were disgusting, so that I won’t list them. At the end of it all, I still wasn’t crying until she said this.
“How come no one likes me? What did I do?”
That’s when I lost it. I tried to hide it because I couldn’t cry in front of my children. And I felt weak, my heart pounded, and I waited to speak so she wouldn’t notice my voice cracking.
I tell her to take a shower, and we’ll go to the mall and walk around. That was to get her to walk away so I could go to my room and try not to cry. As soon as I got in my room, I felt a fear in me that I couldn’t explain.
I wanted to trade places with her. And I wanted to absorb all her pain, I wanted to kill the Bully, and I wanted desperately to help her in any way. I blamed myself. Someway somehow, it’s my fault.
Why didn’t I notice something?
I should have never gotten divorced. Her mom should still be here. I need help!!! It’s too much for me. I cried so much that my eyes got swollen and my throat got hoarse. Until that day and a few days after, I can’t remember ever crying like that. After about an hour, I opened her room door to see my middle daughter holding my youngest while she slept. Despite the Bully’s family asking me not to press charges, I went ahead and pressed charges, and she got six months probation for assault.
My child never went back to school, never wanted to go to school, couldn’t go to sleep, couldn’t eat, and started to hate. Something that I never saw in her. There wasn’t much I could do. My desperate attempts to get her to smile and liven up became silly. So, I signed both of us up for Art classes, and she began to show signs of joy. I later found out that the guidance counsellor was my daughter’s shoulder to lean on. Mrs. Sarver was very nice and always helped her in trying times during school.
Mrs. Sarver came over to visit one day with a bunch of letters and Artwork from supporting students. I stood back, thinking that my child does have friends! But I was wrong. She sat down and went through every piece of paper and threw out all but two envelopes. A large piece of very good Artwork and a letter.
They were from “PAIGE”, her only friend. That was the first time I saw her smile in a month. I enrolled her in a private school the following year, where she is doing very well. And despite her psychiatrist’s suggestion, we will not be using any pills.
When was the hardest you have cried?
The day I cried a lot was the day when I realised that only our parents are permanent; the rest are all temporary. I am a techie. I joined as a fresher to one of the US-based MNCs in Bangalore. Having worked there for more than 3 years, I earned a number of friends- teammates, cab mates, batch mates, and other application friends. Some of those were very close to my heart. We used to have lots of fun together. I really had a good time in that company. I used to be more happy at my workplace than at home.
After working for more than 3 years, I got a good opportunity in another company. So, I had to switch. My biggest worry was moving to some other place where none of my friends would be there. How could I go leaving all of them? It was really hard for me. Because I used to be so attached to them, but the show must go on, so I decided to move.
I can’t explain how bad my situation was. The last week of the notice period, I took all of them for lunch, and we had a great party. Spent a minimum of 3 hours in Pizza Hut. It was a really memorable day for me.
When was the hardest you have cried?
Finally, the day arrived to say Goodbye; it was on April 21, 2015. I didn’t sleep properly the previous night. Got up early morning with a heavy heart and went to the office a little early. The first work I did when I reached the office was drafting goodbye mail, and this was that mail.
By 3 o’clock, I finished all my exit formalities. Now it’s time to meet my friends. Unfortunately, I couldn’t meet any of them for lunch because all were busy. I expected that they would come to my desk to bid Goodbye. No, nobody came. So I decided to go to their desk. My bad, nobody was there, not even a single person. Called a few of them but did not get any response.
Finally, the day came to an end; I had to hand over everything to HR and leave. And I came out of the building and called one of my best friends and said, “Dear.. I am leaving” with tears, and he said, “Ok… Bye..” and disconnected the call.
I came out of the company as an orphan. I couldn’t control my emotions. And I started to cry very hard. I could not earn even a single person in 3 years to come with me till the gate while leaving. So far, I never cried like that in my whole life. That night, I was travelling to my home town, Mangalore. When was the hardest you have cried?
On the bus, the entire night, I was thinking, what did go wrong? What was the reason for my sadness? Why did I become so sentimental?
I tried hard to console myself but couldn’t. The tears were rolling out from my eyes until the next morning when I saw my parent’s face. And finally, I realised that no one is permanent in our life except our parents. I was the one who used to initiate and conduct goodbye ceremonies to others, but when it was my turn to leave, none were there.
That was the turning point in my life, and I realised that they were just the passengers on this journey, and when their station came, they just got down; there is nothing more precious than my parent’s smile in this world. That was the day when I stopped being emotionally attached to anyone. Life is beautiful; enjoy the moments, and the key to happiness resides in not expecting anything from anyone.
Note: Thanks, everyone, for your valuable feedback and upvotes. I realised that many of us have come across similar situations. But letting it go is the best solution for everything, though it is a challenging thing to do. When I am in a dilemma of choosing between letting go or staying with it, I remember this line which I read somewhere: “When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. And When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need”. When was the hardest you have cried?
When was the hardest you have cried?
Last year, when I completed my 6th semester and was gearing up for the summer vacation, I noticed something unusual about my family. They are usually very excited when I return home (I study in Gwalior and live in Nagaland if you are wondering), but at that time, No one was even available to receive me at the airport, and they also rarely called to check on me. (they were in another city for his treatment).
I came to learn the next day that my father had stomach cancer in the final stage, and he had only a few months to survive.
I cried
- When I received the news from my mother, I didn’t want her to see me crying and, so I held back my tears told her dad would be fine. Cancer is curable. Rushed to my room and sobbed like a baby.
- Every day, I saw my father losing his strength, even to walk or sit up straight.
- When he couldn’t eat food even though he craved it.
- When he apologized for being sick and being a burden to everyone.
- Every night, he hoped cancer would leave him, and he might get well tomorrow morning.
- When he held my brother and my hand, he prayed for our success and long life just before he passed away.
- When he told my mom how much he loved her and how sorry he was for hurting her and leaving her too soon.
- When he breathed his last breath with a heave.
- When I called him, he could not respond any more.
When was the hardest you have cried?
I am crying now, too, while writing this, like a fool, because I still cannot forget the sight. I miss my dad not only because he was my dad but he was one of the most positive men I knew. He supported me and my mom in pursuing our dreams and told us that women are never below men.
Friends, he laughed and cracked stupid jokes even though he was going through his chemotherapy and lying on the sick bed. He would call me every day to report the status of our family when I wasn’t at home. I cried, I am crying and will Always cry for this reason. I miss this person so much.
Note: So much love and support from all of you, beautiful strangers, makes my heart happy. GOD BLESS YOU ALL. I can’t thank each of you personally, but I wish happiness to all of you. When was the hardest you have cried?
When was the hardest you have cried?
I completed my Bachelor’s in Engineering in 2016. There were a few campus placement opportunities, and even after cracking the aptitude and giving some great interviews, I wasn’t able to get into one.
So, my college ended in May 2016. I appeared for a couple of interviews in the next few months. I screwed up some of them because of nervousness. But I had some amazing interviews as well. But God knows why I wasn’t selected :(. So, this went on for 6–7 months, and I started getting depressed. My mother kept saying, “ You’ve performed so well in college, and you are so good with English. I had expected you to get placed on the campus itself.
You’re not even interested in doing anything. You want to watch Movies and TV shows.” My father also kept trying to get me interviews through references. He was trying so much that I felt bad. Then, he managed to get me an interview at a very good company. But somehow, I performed very poorly in the interview, and obviously, I didn’t get in.
When was the hardest you have cried?
A few days later, I got one more interview. And this is how it went. Naeem Merchant’s answer to What’s the biggest mistake you ever made during an interview?
I was so depressed during this time that I used to go out at night alone and just sit near a lake in our city. I used to sit for hours and kept feeling bad. After I screwed up the last interview, my head was so fucked up. One day, I was making tea in the evening, and my father asked if I’d heard from the company about the result of the interview. I told him that I wasn’t selected, and he was clearly disappointed. And this is when it happened.
I just burst into tears. I cried so hard my dad was shocked. All that anger at myself, all that frustration had found a way to come out. And I just let it go. He held me and made me sit on the couch.
Dad: Why are you crying so hard? What happened? Is everything alright?
Me: Dad, for the last few months, you have been trying so hard to get me a job, and I’ve messed up every opportunity. I know you think that I don’t care and I’m not affected by all this, but I’m very depressed too. Mom thinks that I’m not even trying hard enough. I’ve disappointed you and her. I feel like I’ve failed you.
And the more he tried calming me, the louder I kept crying for half an hour. He comforted me all he could, and finally, I was calm. He said, “ We know you are trying hard too. This happens in life. You’ll get a good job someday soon, I’m sure. Please don’t cry like this.” I was able to get a job next month.
Note:
Wow, I’m really surprised with the response. All my buddies who’ve commented that they’ve gone through something similar, and some are still going through it, I’d say that please never stop believing. It is a phase of life which is very important, and it’ll teach you how to struggle and be strong no matter how dreadful the circumstances are. Your friends and family will always support you no matter what you do as long as you are trying honestly.
You’ll come across people who didn’t give a shit about finding a job and ended up getting a better job than you. You’ll know people who didn’t crack the interview and clearly have lesser skills than you but got in just because they had References.
Just remember that this is just the beginning of your life, and you have to fight for it because you don’t get the best things for free. Never give up because it is better to have tried and failed than not having tried at all. I wrote this in one of the comments, and I’ll write it here again:
The wiser and the harder workers are always tested more. I wish everyone all the best for their future.
Conclusion: When was the hardest you have cried?
I am a guy from a small village in Bihar(India) and belong to a lower middle-class agriculture-based family. After my 12th I got a good rank in the All India test and was admitted to one of the Govt. Engg. College. Till 3rd year, all I did was masti. I had a very careless attitude towards study, so I left with 6 papers back at the start of my final year. That was the time I realised that I was ruining my future and started studying seriously.
One of my friends once asked what you are going to do after BTech, to which I replied that I would prepare for PSUs/GATE. He then said, dude, you are going to clear your engineering in less than 4 years, and you will have to wait for 2 more years to clear your back papers. I was not able to attend campus recruitment due to paperback.
I worked hard, cleared my papers on time, and went to Delhi for GATE preparation. And I prepared hard and started clearing exams conducted by PSUs. From May 10 to February 11, I cleared a total of 9 exams(All India Tests) of Top PSUs but failed in interviews in all of them.BHEL, HPCL, BPCL, SAIL, NTPC, NALCo, and CIL are some of them.
When was the hardest you have cried?
Before every interview, I used to take a blessing from maa-papa, and after the failure results, they used to console me. I stopped talking to my friends and created a shell around me. The self-motivation I was carrying turned into frustration. At one moment, I felt like burning all the books and my BTech degree.
On April 17, around midnight, a friend called me and informed me that you had cleared an interview with one of the top core sector companies (the interview result of that company was so delayed that I thought that they might have cancelled the recruitment. Also for this interview I had cleared all India test and GD).
I checked the results and finally saw my name in the list of successful candidates.
I called my mother(they were sleeping); And I don’t know what kind of feeling it was, but I became numb. I should have collected words. My mother felt that I again failed in some interviews. So she started consoling me. That was the moment I cried so hard that my papa, elder brother, and everyone else guessed that something bad had happened to me.
My brother scolded me and asked about the matter, and I told him that I finally managed to clear the interview and had to join in June with a package of 7.2 LPA. Everyone started laughing, and soon, the situation turned light. So that was the time I cried the hardest. And yes, I remembered to inform my result to the FRIEND.
When was the hardest you have cried?